QuipFox Top Tweets: Muffin Dog, No Talking, Groundhog Day Sequel, Drink Responsibly, Yahoo! Doctor

Our latest “Top Tweet” favorites are here, thanks to Renzo Soprano in the U.K. (@Renzo_Soprano’s best tweets), the very funny Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w’s best tweets), comedian Will Phillips (willphillipscomedy.com), comedian & writer Emmy Blotnick (bio.emmyblotnick.com) and Sean in Canada (@SeanBlazed’s best tweets). As always, If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Is it wrong to eat a Blueberry Muffin that looks just like your dog? pic.twitter.com/QgJnsKvjOF

— Renzo Soprano (@Renzo_Soprano) July 26, 2014

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 26, 2014

They should make a sequel to Groundhog Day, but it's the exact same movie.

— Will Phillips (@TheThryll) July 25, 2014

Invent a drink called "Responsibly" and your advertising is set forever

— Emmy Blotnick (@emmyblotnick) July 16, 2014

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on Yahoo! answers.

— Sean (@SeanBlazed) July 15, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Mr. Tambourine Man, Group Text, Fireworks Alternative, Hot Pocket News Source, Sweet Dreams

Here they are, in order of posting date, our latest round of Top Tweets featuring the very funny John Lyon (newest tweets, best tweets), “patrick” in Brooklyn (newest tweets, best tweets), comedy writer Bryan Donaldson (Bryan Donaldson on imdb.com), Piston’s Center Greg Monroe (gregkmonroefoundation.org) and writer Tim Siedell (about.me/timsiedell). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked.

— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) July 12, 2014

The year is 2039. It’s been 25 years and the group text continues. Dan sent a pic. Becky said “lol” Mike said “lmao” Free me from this hell

— patrick (@tastefactory) July 11, 2014

Fireworks are illegal here so all my family can play with tonight are lame old sparklers and high powered semi-automatic assault rifles.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 4, 2014

Put “sources say” in front of somethin and ppl believe. The “source” might be a hot pocket pack yall dont even kno…lol

— Greg Monroe (@M10OSE) July 3, 2014

For birth control, we use the Eurythmics Method. That’s where I do the robot to “Sweet Dreams,” which quickly puts my wife out the mood.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) July 1, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Busy Tomorrow, Hard Drive Failures, Free Food Samples, Karate Trophies, Allen’s Wrench

Here they are, in order of posting date, our latest round of Top Tweets featuring writer Kevin Seccia (kevinseccia.com), writer David Burge (iowahawk.typepad.com), TV writer Patrick Walsh (Patrick Walsh on imdb.com), Kevin Farzad in Los Angeles (@KevinFarzad’s newest tweets) and actor/comedian Kumail Nanjiani (Kumail Nanjiani on Comedy Central). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” “Haha nice try. Tell me what your thing is first and then I’ll answer you.”

— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) June 30, 2014

Apparently, the leading cause of hard drive failures is subpoenas.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 25, 2014

Just had a free sample at Whole Foods. It was $1.99.

— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) June 24, 2014

Love when a date comes back to my place where I’ve “accidentally” left out my Karate trophies & they’re so speechless we never talk again.

— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) June 24, 2014

“No! I don’t care if it sounds stupid. I invented this wrench & I get to name it!” – Allen

— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) June 23, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Calzones, Grabby Hands, Chile, World Cup, People

Our latest Top Tweets are here! Here’s our favorites from the past week courtesy of writer and designer Braden Graeber (blog.bradengraeber.com), “Dave” in Alaska (@gneicco’s best tweets), the very funny Jeff Lyons (usedwigs.com), comedy writer Alison Agosti (alisonagosti.tumblr.com) and “Patrick” from Brooklyn (@tastefactory’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

A calzone is just an extremely introverted pizza.

— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) June 23, 2014

I don’t mean to grab, but I’m dyslexic.

— Dave (@gneicco) June 19, 2014

Sorry, I’m not pronouncing Chile like that.

— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) June 18, 2014

“Hey, what should we use for the World Cup logo? Something that represents soccer?” “Hands? How about a bunch of hands?”

— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) June 16, 2014

People Magazine sounds like something aliens pretending to be humans would call their magazine.

— patrick (@tastefactory) June 16, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Father’s Day, Jean Jackets, Welcome to CVS, Squash Types, IHOP Waitress

Here they are, listed in order of posting date, our latest collection of favorite tweets featuring writer Eli Terry (Eli Terry’s best tweets), the very funny Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life’s best tweets), comedy writer Conner O’Malley (about Conner O’Malley), writer Jason Miller (@longwall26’s best tweets), and comedian George Wallace (georgewallace.net). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Took my dad to the park and he bounded out of the car and is already wrasslin’ with the other dads hooting and hollering about gas prices.

— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) June 15, 2014

one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere

— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) June 13, 2014

When I hear “welcome to cvs” I know it is Genuine, and not something that was drilled into employees to mindless say or they get in trouble.

— Conner O’Malley (@conner_omalley) June 12, 2014

Not to question The Lord or anything, but it really feels like we only needed one kind of squash.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 9, 2014

I wear 3-D glasses to IHOP so it looks like the waitress is actually comin’ to my table.

— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) June 7, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Baby Names, Walmart Axl, Normal Sized Clifford, Cargo Shorts, Pop Tarts Holster

Here they are, listed in order of posting, our latest list of favorite tweets over the past week featuring comedian Brian Gaar (briangaar.com), two picks from Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope’s best tweets), the very funny Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone’s best tweets) and comedian/podcaster Pauly Casillas (http://hellyeahfuckyeahshityeah.com/bios/). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014

Welcome to the Jungle *manager runs over* “What did you say?” *Axl stares at feet* I said welcome to Walmart, have a nice day “Thought so”

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 4, 2014

Clifford the Normal Sized Red Dog Who Lives in a Very Tiny Town

— Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone) June 3, 2014

I keep other pairs of cargo shorts in the pockets of my cargo shorts.

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 1, 2014

Yes, that’s a cell phone holster on my belt, and yes, there’s two Pop Tarts in it.

— Pauly Casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) May 31, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Fire Watching, No Teacher, Vetoed Success, Hoarding Kids, Rain Checks

We laughed our way through hundreds of funny tweets over the past week and here they are, our votes for “best of the best” featuring selections from comedian Aparna Nancherla (aparnacomedy.com/bio), Trevor S in New York (best tweets, newest tweets), writer Josh Stern (andthatswhyimsingle.com), comedian Kyle Kinane (kylekinane.com) and “Little Greenis” in Ontario (best tweets, newest tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

Staring into the fire was the original looking at your phone

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2014

When your teacher hasn’t shown up to class and the room starts to get crazy and it feels like nobody’s in charge. That’s Mexico every day. — Trevor S (@trevso_electric) May 23, 2014

In high school I was vetoed most likely to succeed

— Josh Stern (@joshingstern) May 22, 2014

19 Kids And Counting should also be an episode of Hoarders — Kyle Kinane (@kylekinane) May 20, 2014

I live rain check to rain check.

— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) May 18, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Parentheses Rules, 2 Years Experience, Stick Figure Jobs, Sterling Apology, Mother’s Day Caring

Here they are in order by posting date, our latest round of Top Tweet picks! Our favorites from this past week feature comedy writer Tim Saccardo (timsaccardo.com/bio), writer and comedian Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham’s best tweets), the very funny “Marpee Murvig” (@maebemarbles’ best tweets), sarcastic account “pourmecoffee” (pourmecoffee.tumblr.com) and YouTube personality William Haynes (youtube.com/user/WilliamHaynesTV). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

(What happens in parentheses stays in parentheses 😉)

— Tim Saccardo (@TimSaccardo) May 16, 2014

Sorry if the job listing was unclear. It’s entry level, but you must have 2 years experience. Apply again when you’ve mastered time travel. — Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) May 12, 2014

Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs

— Marpee Murvig (@maebemarbles) May 12, 2014

So sorry about Offensive stuff and whatnot Give me team back now — Donald Sterling #haiku — pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 12, 2014

I think I’ll say “Happy Mothers Day” to my Mom on this social network that she doesn’t have and will never see so my friends know I care.

— William Haynes (@MrWilliamHaynes) May 11, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Printer Ink $, Hey Jude, Clueless Coworker, Tell Me, Extra Work “Reward”

Our latest Top Tweets are here! Here’s our favorites from the past week courtesy of comedian & TV host Stephen Colbert (thecolbertreport.cc.com/), author “Sixth Form Poet”, “Liz” in Toronto (@lovemyboots111’s best tweets), comedy writer & producer Alex Baze (Alex Baze on IMDB.com) and “TwitnterIsComing” in North Carolina (@OhNoSheTwitnt’s best tweets). As always, if you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

A hairstylist counterfeited $20k in 100's on her printer – it would've been a great plan if replacing the ink cartridges hadn't cost $45k.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) May 8, 2014

The best part of Hey Jude is when The Beatles realise the lyrics are terrible and think 5 minutes of na-na-na will distract us, and it does.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) May 7, 2014

I would try to explain things to my coworker but I don't have any crayons or patience

— Liz ♛ (@lovemyboots111) May 5, 2014

Oooo, tell me less!

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) May 5, 2014

They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.

— TwitnterIsComing (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 2, 2014

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QuipFox Top Tweets: Numbered List Headlines, Speedo Fails, Marathon Goals, Take Kid to Work Day, 2-Minute Basketball

Here they are, our top tweet picks from the past week featuring comedy writer Justin Shanes (@justinshanes’ best tweets), writer Frank Lowe (About Frank Lowe ), author Jon Acuff (acuff.me/about), teacher Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22’s best tweets) and writer/comedian Josh Weinstein (cinematictitanic.com/about/the_cast). If you like their tweets, then be sure to give these accounts a favorite, retweet and follow!

26 Ways You’re Not a Real Journalist

— Justin Shanes (@justinshanes) April 30, 2014

The men who wear Speedos are never the men you want to wear Speedos.

— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) April 28, 2014

My goal in any half marathon is to not get passed by someone wearing a costume, juggling or hula hooping.

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) April 26, 2014

My kids absolutely hate “Take your kid to work day.” I am a teacher.

— Abe Y. (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2014

The last 2 minutes of a close basketball game is one of my favorite hours of television.

— Josh Weinstein (@JElvisWeinstein) April 25, 2014

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